Yea yea yea, self love is important, we all know that. Let’s take the evening off, put on a face mask and watch a movie right? But is that self love? Is that sustainable? Will you benefit from that 2 months from now? Or is self love a lot tougher? Might we be missing the point of what self love actually can do for us once we fully understand what it means? What it is?
Let’s head in to some other forms of self love, some you might not expect but that will most definitely open up your eyeballs. Read with an open mind and curiosity peeps, it’ll make it a more pleasurable experience.
On a daily bases we’re constantly occupied with other people’s shit, other people’s lives, other peoples successes, failures, looks and achievements. We wish we could ‘do that’ or ‘be there’ or ‘be able to accomplish that’ all while feeling sorry for ourselves that we’re not in the position to do these great things. What happened to prioritising our own growth? How many times have you said, ok I’ll start tomorrow or next month is the right time for me or right now it’s just too difficult I’ll wait when things quiet down.
EXCUSES. There’s never a right time and honestly you have the time because everyone has the same 24hrs as you do. There is someone else on this planet going through the same shit as you are, heck we’re all going through shit. Going through adversity, having to deal with a complete shit show is what makes us strong. We can’t decide what happens around us, what curveball life will throw at us this time BUT we can control how we react. Even in the hardest of times, if you loose a loved one or you get sick you can try and find meaning in these events, you might not be able to change the situation but you are able to change the way you handle it.
“If you’re not willing to take the actions to change your situation – in otherwords, if you’re willing to put up with your situation – then whether you like it or not, that is the life you have chosen.
Before you think “but…” or start to get your knickers in a twist…let me say onemore thing:
By defending your circumstances as they are right now, you are actually making a case for being where you are. Give it up.No buts. You can’t afford them. They’re excess baggage on a trip that requiresyou to travel light.” -Gary John Bishop
Do we let life live us or do we take control and own it? When you say “I can’t reach my goal because of this person or that situation” you’re holding yourself back. Imagine if you could get rid of this mindset and own up to the real reason why you’re not doing what you need to do. Only then my friends, the possibilities are endless. Once you start prioritising your own growth and your own goals and you can let go of the external chit chatter of society, you stop looking outwards at other people but start looking inwards to yourself.
‘The only possibility for relying on your excuses is getting 0 results’ – Leif Arnesen.
Just think about it, most people in society associate activity with being busy. While being busy says absolutely nothing about how effective you are, how productive you are and how much shit you get done in a day. If you’d be working effectively you could easily make time for the things that you need to do in order for you to GROW. If you work 9-5 get up early so you can do YOU, go to bed on time so you can do YOU. I mean ideally you want to start the day with control, get up in time so you can do your morning routine, whatever the fuck you wanna do before heading to work. Get up and do your thing without stress. Doesn’t matter if it’s hitting the gym, making breakfast, meditate, or having a cup of coffee with your partner. But the worst thing is getting up and losing it immediately. Snoozing away, getting up too late, stressing to get ready, rushing to get to work in time or working from home in your pajama and still feeling exhausted.. Sound familiar? Being stressed out from a shitty morning heading into your day is not a great way to start. Make sure you know what’s important to you so can have a productive day!
SUSTAINABLE SELF LOVE
So SELF LOVE let’s get into it, in my opinion discipline is the greatest form of Self Love. Making the right decisions today for a happy tomorrow. Your future is created by what you do today so you could say that your day starts with yesterday, everything that you do right now is laying the foundations for tomorrow and all days after that. What habits do you have right now that you’ve been wanting to quit for such a long time? That you’ve been telling yourself you need to deal with or stop with, just not today, maybe tomorrow, next month or the 1st of January. I know it takes hard work and you will be uncomfortable but you need to go through this in order to accomplish things you want, be proud of yourself, feel confident in who you are and KNOW who you are. Set ambitious goals for yourself and prove to yourself that you CAN do it. See for yourself that success and reaching ambitious goals is not just for some ‘gifted’ or ‘special’ people it’s for EVERYONE as long as you put in the work. So instead of putting on a facial mask and soak up in the bathtub with a glass of wine (which occasionally is very nice) make habits that serve you on a DAILY basis, do the shit that makes you uncomfortable on a DAILY basis so you can BUILD a future that you can be proud of.
“We must all suffer from one of two pains: the pain of discipline or the pain of regret. The difference is discipline weighs ounces while regret weighs tons.” -Jim Rohn
INVEST YOUR TIME WISELY
In my dictionary the word routine has always been a negative one, one where I thought ugh a routine, the slur of life of doing the same ol boring crap every.single.day. But lately I’ve changed my perspective completely, I’ve found that when you design your own routine, having your goals in mind and putting a routine in place that fits your everyday life it’s actually something wonderful. The treasures you seek are in your daily routines, how you take care of yourself, how you move yourself, how you feed yourself, consistency compounds to something extraordinary. Your mind settles and your body goes with the flow, the internal struggle quiets down as your inner saboteur has to deal with the fact that you’re doing it anyway.
So great if you’ve thought about a routine for yourself, now you need to follow through. Now you need to make the decisions you know are right not the decisions that are easy. Only then can actually make it a routine, so you get up and make the right decisions everyday. Even if you don’t feel like it and rather eat some Ben&Jerry’s and watch Netflix on the couch, when you’re not in the mood DO IT ANYWAY. This is how you get comfortable with being uncomfortable, this is how you make your routine and make it stick. Until at one point your mind doesn’t question your routines as much anymore and you know you’re stronger than the voice that tells you, you can’t do something. Because the shit that you don’t want to do is the same shit that’ll help you GROW.
Creativity is for everyone, it’s not just a talent that you should have, something that’s only for the few people that are just amazing in what they do. Creativity, just like any other skill is something that you train and something that you get really good in overtime, practise makes perfect. Wether you like to paint, act, cook, make jewellery, or into graphic design, anything and everything can be creative. And just like everything in life is connected you creativity and well being are so as well. Jay Shetty in his book Think like a monk says: ‘Routines are counterintuitive- instead of being boring and repetitive, doing the same tasks at the same time in the same place makes room for creativity. The constant energy of location and memory help us be present in the moment, engaging deeply in tasks instead of getting distracted and frustrated’
Once we can distance ourselves from all external distractions, we can address the most subtle and powerful distraction of all, the voices inside of our heads. This is something that struck me as so true. Nowadays we’re so consumed with everything around us to keep us ‘ busy’ we’ve gotten afraid to be alone. Being in solitude is such an important way of getting to know who you are and what you truly want. I’d highly recommend anyone to make time EVERY day to be completely alone, no tv, cellphone, book to read or anything else that might be distracting.
In 2014 the social psychologist Tommy Wilson conducted a ‘thinking period’ study. For 15 minutes, the team left participants alone in a lab room in which they could push a button and shock themselves if they wanted to. The results were startling: Even though all participants had previously stated that they would pay money to avoid being shocked with electricity, 67% of men and 25% of women chose to inflict it on themselves rather than just sit there quietly and think. Read the full article here .
TOXIC HABITS, well I’ve had a long list of those I can tell ya. From smoking, drinking, partying to getting trapped in over thinking situations and beating myself up for the same shitty behaviours I kept on feeding. For me what worked was to write down my toxic habits. What are the habits that you can’t seem to quit, that you’ve told yourself you’d never do again or really stop with next month? Then just start with one, once I quit smoking, I went to the gym more cause I could last for so much longer, then the partying and drinking became less and less because I felt like I needed to recover for so long afterwards before I could perform and think properly again. It wasn’t only the hangover but I just didn’t feel mentally clear the following days. Then when I stopped drinking, slowly the over thinking disappeared and I’ve gotten kinder (but firmer) with myself. Instead of making excuses of why I can’t do it I’m pushing myself to do it anyway because I know I am capable.
I think we all have ‘toxic people’ in our life, they probably don’t know that they are but when you think about them you’ll feel it in your stomach. Ideally you’d want to surround yourself with people that lift you up and that you can connect with, people that challenge you and want the best for you. But most of us aren’t that fortunate and sometimes we have people around that you just simply can’t ditch, if they’re family for example or colleagues that you need to deal with. But you can control the way you respond and interact with them. The instinct of agreement has a huge impact on our lives and when we’re surrounded by gossip, conflict and negativity, we start to see the world through those glasses. Once you take them of and stop participating in let’s say gossip and be the voice of reason that says well, I’m not aware of that persons situation so I’d rather not jump to conclusions people will automatically stop gossiping to you because that’s not what they wanted to hear. And you might even give them another perspective that they can think about, who knows..
Toxic products, I think you can think of a few that you know aren’t good but you just ‘like’ too much to let go. Doesn’t matter if it’s fast food, gaming, alcohol, candy, your phone, chocolate, cigarettes, deep fried cheesy chicken wings, (soft)drugs or soda all of these things are bad for us in excessive use (on a daily or weekly base) and they’re all addictive. It’s society that handed this shit to us on a silver platter with a very low price tag, I mean it’s the norm these days. If you’d tell someone you don’t participate in any of them they’ll look at you as if you’re crazy. ‘But what’s the fun in that’ you’ll hear. Well Karen a healthy mind and body, thank you very much. & I’m not saying you can never indulge in junk food but it shouldn’t be the standard, which is what is now, be honest.
Lastly I recommend you to read the piece on sustainable fashion I wrote as well, especially my ladies that are not aware of how many toxins are hidden in our underwear, gym clothing and jeans.
‘Technology is not good or bad, just like fire is not good or bad. It can cook your food or it can burn down your house’ -David Kwik
Technology is a tool and it’s up to us to decide how we want to use that tool. It allows us to connect, to share information or to inspire but technology can also use you and when that happens who becomes the tool? Just realise that the most genius psychologists in the world are being paid to keep you engaged on a platform, to suck you in and keep you there. But by being aware of this you can flip the coin. You can choose what you want to engage in so you get more of what you want, you can use technology as a tool by creating your own content instead of aimlessly scrolling through other peoples creativity and pictures. It’s all about how you utilise it, make sure it is serving you and not the other way around.
Explore new things, what are you interested in? What can you learn more about? Learning new things is a great way to find out what is and what isn’t for you. I know I’ve always had a million ideas of everything that I would love to be and wanted to become and then I just started doing random shit that I thought I wanted to do. Like doing a graphic design course, watching endless tutorials of how to draw a face, taking sewing lessons, doing an on line Ayurveda class and signing up for a vegan cooking masterclass just shit that I liked at that moment and honestly I didn’t enjoy everything but I loved a lot of them. But just by exploring new things, outside of your comfort zone can bring new perspectives and new ideas. You can listen to the great minds of our time, read books of successful or mindful people and learn from that. Be like a little sponge that soaks up all this information and takes out what fits you, put it in perspective and run with it.
Emotions come and go, this is something we have no control over. Of course to a certain extend we can, we could put them away somewhere deep down in a dark hole of the mind, if we don’t want to deal with them or cover them up with another emotion or behaviour that we feel like is more acceptable. But as you’re reading this you can probably figure out that won’t serve you in the long run. Although useful for a short period I wouldn’t recommend running away from your true emotions, it’ll fuck you up. Instead when you feel something, really feel it, let it be there and observe it with curiosity. Why am I feeling this right now? How come I feel this way? Observe it and then let it go, let it pass. Don’t hold onto it or try to resist. Whatever you resist persists.
Maybe you’re burned out not from doing too much but doing too little of what you love – David Kwik. Yea let that sink in, you’d rather play the piano or make your own clothes or start a business but you can’t because you don’t have the experience or the skill to do it? Fucking start. People are so afraid of being bad in something that they don’t start learning, when you’re skill is centered around the external outcome you’ll feel de motivated, because there’s already so many other people doing it right? People that are great in it, people with talent for that skill. Well al those people started somewhere and like the Chinese proverb says: ´The best day to plant a tree was 20 years ago, the second best day is TODAY’. So if you want to learn a new skill just fucking start and fall in love with the process of learning and the progress you’re making. Instead of waisting mental space wishing you could do something, focus that energy into actually learning to do something.
Change it, add to it, remove it, shape it, take in, put out, your perspective is a ever changing blob that decides how you think about things. To add other perspectives to your own is one of the most valuable things you could possibly do. You don’t need to agree with all of them but they can give you a broader understanding of others or foreign situations. Bringing in different perspectives to a conversation can enlighten the room and give you a certain kind of gravity. Often people are so busy objecting and judging other people and their believes, opinions or stories they believe only their vision is the right one. They have only one perspective, their own. These fuckers are the worst, it’s like talking to a wall. SO before having a meaningful conversation or explaining your believes to someone, first asses if they can look from a different perspective, otherwise the conversation is pointless. Please don’t be that person, don’t be a 1-perspective kind of guy, it’s not appreciated, trust me.
FAR FROM PERFECT
Alright so after all these little bombs of information I just want to open the book up about myself a bit. I just want to let you know I’m still on my journey, I’m not there yet, I’m a long way from my goals. I don’t have all my shit in place, I haven’t achieved my goals yet and I don’t do everything perfectly BUT I’m aware and I hold myself accountable. PLUS I have some amazing people helping and guiding me. People that I look up to and that are either on their journey themselves (but waaaaaaaaay ahead of me) or people that have build their vision already and are speaking out about it. That it takes hard work, dedication and a shit load off willpower to get where you want to get. That it doesn’t just fall in your lap but that you need to put some serious effort into it. So having said that I just want to list the people/books/businesses that I look up to, that motivate me and that set my mind right when I get off track. They’re all quite different and use different approaches but that’s what the whole perspective game is about. One is a monk, the other is a no nonsense cursing business entrepreneur, the other is a brain training teacher and then we also have some kick ass vegan athletes on there. You just take a bit from each and make it your own, you don’t have to agree, but you try to understand and implement in your own life, connect it with your own thoughts and shape your own perspective out of that. There’s many more people like this, with great minds willing to help you get out of your little box, but this is my list, with my favourite episodes. This is where it started for me and I hope to add many more names and books along the way.
BUT when I look at my list I’m sad to say there’s not one single woman in there, I really don’t know why, because there are amazing woman out there speaking truth and wisdom. I’ll have to make it my goal for the upcoming week to find female speakers and entrepreneurs with a voice that I can relate with.
Need to discuss anything?
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