Who is me and why am I here? Well me is a Female human being who happened to saw her first day of light in a small but very overpopulated country in Europe, called The Netherlands. For some of you who are not familiar with The Netherlands, the capital is Amsterdam, yes you’ll probably have heard of Amsterdam, marihuana, hookers, drugs and bicycles, all of which are very true and part of Dutch culture. However we Dutchies have more to offer than the above, we also got tulips. For the why I’m here you’ll ought to ask my mom and dad, I think they still can’t believe I happened neither. Anyways the blog, yea why did I make this blog, let me be brutally honest with ya’ll I was in it to make some money, I thought everyone is on the internet constantly and I’m here working my ass of in a restaurant, where everyone is on the internet as well. Why not try and make some extra income and see what happens. So while I’m contemplating what to do I just figured why not just write about shit that interests me and see what happens, so that’s what I did, just write about shit that I find interesting and important. Now while I’ve been putting a whole lotta time in writing and designing and making it all look sexy as hell, I kinda forgot that I was in it to make some extra dough. While I was writing my priorities shifted and I figured that if I wanted to write about things close to my heart, about staying true to yourself and not letting yourself get caught up in worrying about what you should do or should achieve or should look like it wouldn’t really make sense nor feel good if I’d just thrown in some bull shit advertisement just to make money. So I’ve decided I wouldn’t. & I mean a website without advertisement looks pretty neat if I might say so myself. 

Anyway not that I wanna talk about myself for another page or something but I thought let’s just open up the book a tiny bit more. For anyone interested in getting to know the little bean a bit further.  So I’ve traveled from my 18th to my 24th, went to several beautiful countries and met beautiful people, which I learned so incredibly much from. At one point it felt like it was time to go home, I felt like I got a bit tired of the new environments year after year and thought that if I would go home, doors would open, I’d find an awesome partner, my career would be booming and people would be standing in line just to hang with me. Boy was I wrong, career was bleh, people were busy with their own lives, nothing really changed much, the new partner was not compatible and the only doors that opened were the ones to ground floor. Don’t get me wrong it wasn’t all grey skies and cold showers, I did have some great times and I loved being close to my friends and family. However I’ve been back for 3 years now and every time I looked back it felt like I’ve been standing still. Just monotone, not growing mentally, physically or emotionally. This frustrated me tremendously for the past year and I could get really worked up, angry and frustrated with myself which would result in anxious thoughts, partying, returning to bad habits and toxic relationships until I got tired of my own bullshit and decided enough was enough and that I needed to get my shit together. Which I then did but unfortunately not for long. So it was this vicious circle of me trying to get out of this swamp of bad thoughts, shitty habits and momentary pleasures. One of the reasons I constantly felt the need to leave this lifestyle was because every time when I did I felt so much lighter and more clear.  A few months ago I decided things needed to change for good, I need to put my money where my mouth is and need to make some serious steps to build a better version of me. Instead of having this frustration about not having accomplished enough and not growing enough and being mad at myself for making the same mistakes I tried to get into a conversation with myself of all the things I did do right and all the things that I did accomplish. Started giving myself some slack and started to ease in this new kind of thinking, around the same time I started listening to podcasts and started reading mindfulness books. When those things came together it just felt like everything flowed and it made me feel so much stronger and more certain that I’m on the right track. Although I spend much more time alone now than I did before and people are constantly asking me wtf I’m doing, I’m completely at ease with myself. I do not feel alone at all, while I used to feel alone often and had social stuff to do almost every day. Anyway through healing myself I hope I can in someway help others, I think everyone has this calling inside of them to be of service. And I understand it’s hard to stay positive in a world where there’s so much negativity, where we live in a culture where it’s normal to find ways to object each other and judge other people, it’s hard to have a heartfelt conversation with most people because the norm is to cancel and object everything foreign. But I’m taking to heart what Radhanath Swami said ” There is toxicity everywhere around us. In the environment, in the political atmosphere, but the origin is in people’s hearts. Unless we clean the ecology of our own heart and inspire others to do the same, we will be an instrument of polluting the environment. But if we create purity in our own heart, then we can contribute great purity to the world around us”